by Sycamore Smith

Tell me, have you heard the one
About the prophet with the perfect soul?
The heavenly bastard with his own slasher flick--
The greatest fairytale ever told

Weekly he receives
A kneeling ovation from a sleepy nation
They're swallowing the old routine, the holy saltine,
And backwash from the cup of salvation
Have you heard the legend sweeping the land?
They're saying we all sprung from some invisible man
And when he finished up, he took a little rest
And he's been resting ever since I guess...
Tell me, have you heard the one
About the young man who died for your sins?
You think he would've learned his lesson
Not to mess with us,
And yet they say he's gonna come again

He might've hit a ripe old age
If a disciple had not failed him
Broken, betrayed and lost, he lay alone on the cross
While the easter bunny pounded the nails in...
Tell me, have you heard the one
About the healer who could resurrect?
They say that when he rose from the dead
He had a flattened head,
Black boots and two bolts in his neck

Hokum all ye faithful,
That's the whole fable as I was told it
Honestly I'm half-way jealous of the gullible zealots
Who believe this unbelievable bullshit...