by Sycamore Smith
(based on a character created by Scotty Alan)

To you, he's "Mister Dapper"
But your wife calls him "Randy"
And he comes while you're out
Pumping lead into Bambi
Late in December
When your venison's rancid
He will come while your out
Hunting Dasher and Dancer
He's a home, home wrecker on the range
He'll grope your dear wife
And elope with your niece the same day
As you wander on the barren prairie land
Your wife is telling Randy,
"Go south, young man!"
Randy gets his licks in, lets his pistons fire
Now you're up all night
And your wife has retired
Randy leaves your wife
With her heart in pieces
He says, "Well, that was nice
Now do you know where your niece is?"
Randy tells your niece
As she doffs her knit sweater
"Your aunt's a go-getter, kid,
But you're a bit better"